I’m pledging a fraternity this semester, and surprisingly I just found out today why I am here. I thought I knew the reasons keeping me from dropping out, because pledging is extremely taxing.
I was in Wisconsin for the weekend on a trip with my pledge class. We decided there was a need for an extreme bonding experience. One to help us get to know everyone and what has brought them to this part of their life. It was a great trip, I will not dwell on the details but a great amount of time was spent hanging out and relaxing with one another.
When we go back I was very tired, we were on the road for five hours today and we got up to get ready to leave around 6:30. So when I got back to my room I decided to take a nap, while I was asleep I had a very strange dream.
I was in the woods; deep, dark, and dense trees all around me, wet grass and leaves crunch under my feat. I hear voices but what they say are unrecognizable, as if the words being spoken to me in another language, their meanings evade my intellects jabs for remembrance. After a while I give up trying to understand their evasive meaning.
For the first time I realize I’m not standing but running, no sprinting, though the forest away from the voices. I look back to find a hoard of spirits from the past, present, and future, coming after me. They are the ones calling out to me; still nothing of their meaning presents itself to me. I look on the ground and see a trail of fire in my wake; I run faster hoping to our run the flames following me as well. The faster I run the faster the flames proceed, I keep on running as if the wind is my feet and I effortlessly fly though the forest.
I soon come realize I am hunched over and running with my arms, I look down and realize I do not have but paws, covered in charcoal black fur. What is happened to me, I look up into the sky and see a full harvest moon, red and devouring like the fire raging behind me. Out of compulsion, I howl, there is not good reason for this but impulses told me I should. It becomes me I’m a wolf black as the night.
I come upon an opening in the trees; I run faster hoping to escape the flames that are now consuming my home. The home I live, the home I cherish, the home where I have my friends and family, it is all burning to the ground. Everything I had gone in an instant.
Once upon the clearing I find there is a small creek bed I have to cross. Right before I am about to jump into the water, I look down seeing my own reflection. I immediately halt, and stare at the image of myself reflecting back at me from the water. I break down, not only am I black wolf but I’m more than that, some demon placed on earth by Satan himself. My body is wreathed in flames; I am the cause for the destruction of my home. Only had I seen it sooner I would have been able to stop running and think then none of this would have happened. Now I have to find a way to move on and live life.
The spirits are upon me now, they are telling me how much of a fool I have been. They tried telling me to stop, but in ignorance turned a blind eye to what they we saying and it cost me dearly. My home and sanctuary is gone, all I have are the memories in which will live in me forever. The spirits surrounding me are angry but i see they are here to help me move on, just as my pack does, brotherhood.
As I awoke in my bed, drenched in sweat I began to think. What if this was to happen to our Fraternity, what would I do. All of this is my fault and there is no waking up and it all just being a dream. Had I actually destroyed what is to be my home, where I have spent so much time and effort into and have come to love and respect? All of it gone in an instant, but is everything truly lost. Yes, the place we reside is gone but the love and the ties with the place are still strong. Being part of a brotherhood is sticking together no matter what happens; sharing these experiences only make us grow stronger. We can still live on have brotherhood, because all we really need is each other.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The Death of Me
I have no idea where I got to where I am today.
Everything is so wrong about me; I lie, I deceive, I seduce.
My entire being scrams evil and hatred. I have turned down a path no person should ever traverse.
In its depths is a hallow emptiness pulling my soul in to a dark abyss, never to return again.
Suddenly, I find myself slipping into its murky water.
Once I’m in, everything spirals around me out of control and I begin to get sucked into the crazy whirlpool my life has become.
The god from the normal me has been washed away in the lapping darkness.
I have nothing left to grasp unto to help keep me firmly grounded.
“HELP,” I cry out. No one hears my futile screams.
Who possibly could above all the crashing waves around me and thunderous clouds over head?
My friends have left me, I am in this alone.
It is not as if I didn’t deserve this.
I’m surprised they could stand the sight of me.
They must have felt as if they were looking at some repulsive monster corroded from the inside out.
They must be happy, HA what irony, they will never have to look into these eyes of grief.
“AHHH!!” It has become so cold, how is the water not frozen and unmoving?
This is what my heart as become, frigid and unfeeling.
Yes, I’m finally nearing the end of this turmoil.
I see the eye of my destiny it glares at me from the center of the vortex urging me forward.
I give in, I have nothing left anyway. I’m taken into the eye of darkness. My last thought it is, “Oh God why me...?”
Have you ever felt as if your world was slipping from underneath you and you are incapable of stopping your own demise? I’m sure everyone has, no one’s life is ever perfect. As I have said before, someone’s life may seem easier to another but it can still be difficult for the person living it.
Just recently, something came up in my life, and my world felt like this it was just a tidal wave of emotional feeling, rising and falling. Nothing seemed to end the pain; it was uncontrollable and sweeping me from the shore.
Finally, in desperation, I grabbed a hold of the first thing I could and held on. I look over and realize it’s my best friend, Katie. She helped pull me out of the torturous waters I fell into, by just being there for me and suggesting things for me to do. She worked at it until eventually I was back to my old self again.
It is always nice to have someone you can rely on, keeping you on your toes. You may never know what will hit you next. If it hits you by surprise and you cannot deal with the weight put on your shoulders, you need to have a friend there to catch you when you fall. Without this help from your friends, you will surely be swept away.
Everything is so wrong about me; I lie, I deceive, I seduce.
My entire being scrams evil and hatred. I have turned down a path no person should ever traverse.
In its depths is a hallow emptiness pulling my soul in to a dark abyss, never to return again.
Suddenly, I find myself slipping into its murky water.
Once I’m in, everything spirals around me out of control and I begin to get sucked into the crazy whirlpool my life has become.
The god from the normal me has been washed away in the lapping darkness.
I have nothing left to grasp unto to help keep me firmly grounded.
“HELP,” I cry out. No one hears my futile screams.
Who possibly could above all the crashing waves around me and thunderous clouds over head?
My friends have left me, I am in this alone.
It is not as if I didn’t deserve this.
I’m surprised they could stand the sight of me.
They must have felt as if they were looking at some repulsive monster corroded from the inside out.
They must be happy, HA what irony, they will never have to look into these eyes of grief.
“AHHH!!” It has become so cold, how is the water not frozen and unmoving?
This is what my heart as become, frigid and unfeeling.
Yes, I’m finally nearing the end of this turmoil.
I see the eye of my destiny it glares at me from the center of the vortex urging me forward.
I give in, I have nothing left anyway. I’m taken into the eye of darkness. My last thought it is, “Oh God why me...?”
Have you ever felt as if your world was slipping from underneath you and you are incapable of stopping your own demise? I’m sure everyone has, no one’s life is ever perfect. As I have said before, someone’s life may seem easier to another but it can still be difficult for the person living it.
Just recently, something came up in my life, and my world felt like this it was just a tidal wave of emotional feeling, rising and falling. Nothing seemed to end the pain; it was uncontrollable and sweeping me from the shore.
Finally, in desperation, I grabbed a hold of the first thing I could and held on. I look over and realize it’s my best friend, Katie. She helped pull me out of the torturous waters I fell into, by just being there for me and suggesting things for me to do. She worked at it until eventually I was back to my old self again.
It is always nice to have someone you can rely on, keeping you on your toes. You may never know what will hit you next. If it hits you by surprise and you cannot deal with the weight put on your shoulders, you need to have a friend there to catch you when you fall. Without this help from your friends, you will surely be swept away.
